Sunday, January 6, 2013
A little poetry...
Something I wrote a while ago... my thoughts and emotions are seriously on some weird speed of lightining trip today.... My brain is tripping, and stumbling
I try to grasp on to something
My hands flail, As I sit here
But nothing comes to mind
No rope to hold, Again and again
Your face, So serene
Flashes briefly across my subconscious
Change of CD
Music once again fills my ears
Irish accent fills the air
Melodic and soothing
Do you have to let it linger? Maybe I do
When will you tell me? When you want it to?
Will you? Cant think of words to say
Everything comes out all wrong
Sentences all screwed up. Words make no sense
As I try in vain to organize. I can’t tell you yet
Still not the time. But if it were what would I say?
Linger, Linger
Please, Let me collect my thoughts
Someone always gets hurt.
I like to think of myself as a pretty realistic, logical person. I mean, I know when and where my emotions are allowed, and where I should keep them to myself.... For the most part.
But I am human, and I do have feelings. And, when I feel that it is ok to open up and talk about my feelings, I like to share them with others. Especially feelings of love and kindness. (I'm not going to say I don't share the bad ones too, because sometimes I do.) I like to feel safe enough in a place and time to share with someone I care about... I don't think this is a bad thing at all....
Now, sometimes, my intuition is wrong, sometimes I feel safe enough to express my feelings, and somehow it back fires, and I end up feeling foolish and embarrassed. I think this can all go back to that blog I wrote about being honest about what it is you want from someone. I think that, in any relationship (romantic, sexual, friendship, any relationship) you should be up front and totally clear on what you want. It's like when you go into business with someone, you have to be clear on what you want out of the situation, and who plays what role. Same goes for personal relationships. If all you want from someone if friendship, you need to make sure that person knows, from the start. Feelings do sometimes come out of no where, and you can't control it. So, when you know EXACTLY what the relationship is about, you know your boundaries. You know what is ok, and what is out of line.
When you are in a complicated situation, like say, you are friends with someone, who you have a physical relationship with, and you somehow develop feelings, like deep emotions, for this person, it's good to know where you stand with them. If you don't know, you will probably get drunk and blurt out your feelings, and then who knows what will happen to the friendship.
Everything may seem ok on the outside, but the truth is, it's probably not. One person is left feeling uncomfortable because she expressed herself, and even though she might be, like me, a logical realistic person, there is still that little part of her that feels heartbroken. And it's nothing that anyone can control.
I don't really know what the other person is left with, or if the other person even knows that inside, the person is hurting, and wanting more than she is willing to say.
Someone always gets hurt when there is a lack of honesty and clarity.
Be honest with the people you share your life with. No matter the type of partnership you share, always let the people around you know where they stand in your life.
But I am human, and I do have feelings. And, when I feel that it is ok to open up and talk about my feelings, I like to share them with others. Especially feelings of love and kindness. (I'm not going to say I don't share the bad ones too, because sometimes I do.) I like to feel safe enough in a place and time to share with someone I care about... I don't think this is a bad thing at all....
Now, sometimes, my intuition is wrong, sometimes I feel safe enough to express my feelings, and somehow it back fires, and I end up feeling foolish and embarrassed. I think this can all go back to that blog I wrote about being honest about what it is you want from someone. I think that, in any relationship (romantic, sexual, friendship, any relationship) you should be up front and totally clear on what you want. It's like when you go into business with someone, you have to be clear on what you want out of the situation, and who plays what role. Same goes for personal relationships. If all you want from someone if friendship, you need to make sure that person knows, from the start. Feelings do sometimes come out of no where, and you can't control it. So, when you know EXACTLY what the relationship is about, you know your boundaries. You know what is ok, and what is out of line.
When you are in a complicated situation, like say, you are friends with someone, who you have a physical relationship with, and you somehow develop feelings, like deep emotions, for this person, it's good to know where you stand with them. If you don't know, you will probably get drunk and blurt out your feelings, and then who knows what will happen to the friendship.
Everything may seem ok on the outside, but the truth is, it's probably not. One person is left feeling uncomfortable because she expressed herself, and even though she might be, like me, a logical realistic person, there is still that little part of her that feels heartbroken. And it's nothing that anyone can control.
I don't really know what the other person is left with, or if the other person even knows that inside, the person is hurting, and wanting more than she is willing to say.
Someone always gets hurt when there is a lack of honesty and clarity.
Be honest with the people you share your life with. No matter the type of partnership you share, always let the people around you know where they stand in your life.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Facebook bad asses
I think some people really need a reality check. Jealousy is a terrible thing, and will get you no where good. I don't know why some people feel the need to talk shit about anyone really. But when the "trash talk" is oh so clearly directed at me, well take your shit and stuff your mouth bitch, cause nothing is changing here. I am who I am. I do what I do.
I didn't think that my life was so great that other people need to try to live it too... I got this shit, it's my life remember???
Your jealousy and hate, all your mean words do nothing to me, well except make me giggle a little bit.
Tell ya what sweetheart, you do what you feel you need to do, but keep my name out of your mouth. This shit talk is for children, and I know you are young, but I'm pushing 30 and don't have time for kid shit like you.
So, this is the last time I will address you, FUCK YOU BITCH.
For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, lets just leave it that way. For those of you who think you know what I'm talking about, you are probably right. And for those of you who actually do know what I'm talking about.... well you know.
I'm fucking sick of little kid games. If you don't like someone, and you are going to talk shit about them, be a fucking big girl and say what you mean. All these "facebook bad asses" need a slap in the face. GROW THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Ok, now I'm going back to my hangover. Thanks for reading. :)
I didn't think that my life was so great that other people need to try to live it too... I got this shit, it's my life remember???
Your jealousy and hate, all your mean words do nothing to me, well except make me giggle a little bit.
Tell ya what sweetheart, you do what you feel you need to do, but keep my name out of your mouth. This shit talk is for children, and I know you are young, but I'm pushing 30 and don't have time for kid shit like you.
So, this is the last time I will address you, FUCK YOU BITCH.
For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, lets just leave it that way. For those of you who think you know what I'm talking about, you are probably right. And for those of you who actually do know what I'm talking about.... well you know.
I'm fucking sick of little kid games. If you don't like someone, and you are going to talk shit about them, be a fucking big girl and say what you mean. All these "facebook bad asses" need a slap in the face. GROW THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Ok, now I'm going back to my hangover. Thanks for reading. :)
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
12-21-12
So, today is the 18th of December, 2012....
It's Tuesday.
I've been thinking a lot about this 12-21-12 shit.... Well I don't know if it's shit or truth. But whatever it is, I am not going to spend the next 2.5 days over thinking it. I suppose if all this is real, well then, we are all toast.
My family, my friends, they all know I love them. I have only two regrets. And I'm not going to share them with you. But that's all. If it's real, well then it's real. If it's not, I suppose I'll look back on this and realize that I over think FUCKING EVERYTHING!
Ok, I'm done for today... well for the hour, who knows, I may have some more shit to fill your minds with before the day is over... but I doubt it.
For those of you that don't already know it.....
I fucking love you.
(Chances are, if you read this, my lovely nonsense, then you are a living breathing noun, and that means I have some kind of love for you)
For those of you that I know personally, that's real. Love. Fuck all that other shit, just be you. Grab those you love, hug them tight and just fucking tell them you love them.
This might be it. Even if the world isn't going to end in 2.5 days.... We never know how much time we have.
<3
It's Tuesday.
I've been thinking a lot about this 12-21-12 shit.... Well I don't know if it's shit or truth. But whatever it is, I am not going to spend the next 2.5 days over thinking it. I suppose if all this is real, well then, we are all toast.
My family, my friends, they all know I love them. I have only two regrets. And I'm not going to share them with you. But that's all. If it's real, well then it's real. If it's not, I suppose I'll look back on this and realize that I over think FUCKING EVERYTHING!
Ok, I'm done for today... well for the hour, who knows, I may have some more shit to fill your minds with before the day is over... but I doubt it.
For those of you that don't already know it.....
I fucking love you.
(Chances are, if you read this, my lovely nonsense, then you are a living breathing noun, and that means I have some kind of love for you)
For those of you that I know personally, that's real. Love. Fuck all that other shit, just be you. Grab those you love, hug them tight and just fucking tell them you love them.
This might be it. Even if the world isn't going to end in 2.5 days.... We never know how much time we have.
<3
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Product of your environment
Really? Are people really so fucking stupid? I don't get it... Normal people spend their lives trying to get shit right, doing what they are suppose to do, and just try to get by. But not everyone. It seriously bothers me that some people can be so fucking stupid and careless. Selfish.
When you don't have children who depend on you for support, it's one thing to make stupid choices and fuck your life all up. It will still affect the people that love you, but hopefully, not turn a childs life upside down.
Now, when you become a parent, your first fucking priority should always be your children. Over the past few years I have personally watch certain people fuck their lives all kinds of sideways, and these people have CHILDREN! To them (the ones that are still capable of reading) I say: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Ya know, some of you may not have planned to have children at the time you did or ever for that matter, but the fact is, you did. And you CHOSE to keep that child. AND now you choose to fuck that childs life up because YOU want to do stupid things? Seriously, what the fuck? Children NEED their parents to be good people. I mean, you are a product of your environment, and when your environment is shit, you think that is the way life is. Then when you become an adult you either A. follow in shitty footsteps, or B. work even fucking harder to become a decent person.
Ugh. I lost my train of thought. Fuck it.
When you don't have children who depend on you for support, it's one thing to make stupid choices and fuck your life all up. It will still affect the people that love you, but hopefully, not turn a childs life upside down.
Now, when you become a parent, your first fucking priority should always be your children. Over the past few years I have personally watch certain people fuck their lives all kinds of sideways, and these people have CHILDREN! To them (the ones that are still capable of reading) I say: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Ya know, some of you may not have planned to have children at the time you did or ever for that matter, but the fact is, you did. And you CHOSE to keep that child. AND now you choose to fuck that childs life up because YOU want to do stupid things? Seriously, what the fuck? Children NEED their parents to be good people. I mean, you are a product of your environment, and when your environment is shit, you think that is the way life is. Then when you become an adult you either A. follow in shitty footsteps, or B. work even fucking harder to become a decent person.
Ugh. I lost my train of thought. Fuck it.
My life is a mess. ....
I'd love to be able to honestly say that life is perfect... but I would be lying. Life is hard, it hurts and it's sad and it's just a fucking mess. But in all the chaos, and all of us have chaos, there needs to be something, or someone, to make everything ok. Even if it is just for a little bit, just take away all the bull shit for a little while.....
If and when you find it, HOLD ON TIGHT! Seriously. Whatever makes you smile, keep it. Love it. Embrace it as much as you can.
There is so much pain and filth among us. So many people throwing their lives away for nothing. So many people that have nothing to even throw if they wanted to.
I look back and reflect on my past often, this keeps me moving forward. I have to remind myself of where I was 10 years ago, hell even 5 years ago. I have to keep that close, so I will know if I'm slipping again. And thankfully I have not. I hear people say "thank your lucky stars" and I do. I surround myself with who and what I feel to be my "lucky stars" and I keep all of that as close as I can. I never want to return to where or who I was all those years ago, I'd like to forget that that place in my life ever was real, but in if I do that, I could fall right back to it, and never see it coming. So I keep all my scars reveled, and I plan to continue on the path that I am on.
What I'm really saying here is this: No matter what you have done, or who you were, even if it was just yesterday, you ALWAYS have a chance to better you. And Only you can do it. Never think anyone can or will change you. You will always be just who you want to be. Don't sit back and think "oh I'll do better tomorrow" MAKE a PLAN, stick to it. Get you taken care of.
I'm not saying we are all bad people and need to change, I'm saying there is ALWAYS room to be a better person. To love more, to laugh more, to be a friend more. And maybe all of this isn't really for us, maybe it is for the other people around us. Smiles, love, laughter, kindness, all of these things spread like wild fire. But we need to remember, so does hate and pain. And any choice we make affects everyone else.
I am now in a situation where someone I care about has made a very stupid thoughtless choice, and I don't know if he even realizes how many people will be affected by his choice. What we all need to understand is that when we make stupid choices, sometimes, and most of the time, we can not fix these choices easily. And the damage is done.
I am not perfect, I'm a mess, my life is a mess. And that is okay. I laugh, I love.... oh do I love. I try to spread my kindness to everyone I encounter, everyday. Yes, I have pain, I hurt more than anyone knows, but that I deal with, sometimes on my own, and sometimes with the help of others who I trust can handle my shit without it affecting them in ways that lead to it affecting anyone else.
This may not make any sense to some people, but it is what it is. And that is exactly what it is.
P.S.
There is more to come, but I've run out of time for today....
If and when you find it, HOLD ON TIGHT! Seriously. Whatever makes you smile, keep it. Love it. Embrace it as much as you can.
There is so much pain and filth among us. So many people throwing their lives away for nothing. So many people that have nothing to even throw if they wanted to.
I look back and reflect on my past often, this keeps me moving forward. I have to remind myself of where I was 10 years ago, hell even 5 years ago. I have to keep that close, so I will know if I'm slipping again. And thankfully I have not. I hear people say "thank your lucky stars" and I do. I surround myself with who and what I feel to be my "lucky stars" and I keep all of that as close as I can. I never want to return to where or who I was all those years ago, I'd like to forget that that place in my life ever was real, but in if I do that, I could fall right back to it, and never see it coming. So I keep all my scars reveled, and I plan to continue on the path that I am on.
What I'm really saying here is this: No matter what you have done, or who you were, even if it was just yesterday, you ALWAYS have a chance to better you. And Only you can do it. Never think anyone can or will change you. You will always be just who you want to be. Don't sit back and think "oh I'll do better tomorrow" MAKE a PLAN, stick to it. Get you taken care of.
I'm not saying we are all bad people and need to change, I'm saying there is ALWAYS room to be a better person. To love more, to laugh more, to be a friend more. And maybe all of this isn't really for us, maybe it is for the other people around us. Smiles, love, laughter, kindness, all of these things spread like wild fire. But we need to remember, so does hate and pain. And any choice we make affects everyone else.
I am now in a situation where someone I care about has made a very stupid thoughtless choice, and I don't know if he even realizes how many people will be affected by his choice. What we all need to understand is that when we make stupid choices, sometimes, and most of the time, we can not fix these choices easily. And the damage is done.
I am not perfect, I'm a mess, my life is a mess. And that is okay. I laugh, I love.... oh do I love. I try to spread my kindness to everyone I encounter, everyday. Yes, I have pain, I hurt more than anyone knows, but that I deal with, sometimes on my own, and sometimes with the help of others who I trust can handle my shit without it affecting them in ways that lead to it affecting anyone else.
This may not make any sense to some people, but it is what it is. And that is exactly what it is.
P.S.
There is more to come, but I've run out of time for today....
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Ignorance is not bliss.
Ignorance is not bliss...
I don't care what you say. Not knowing exactly what is going on around you is not a good thing. AT ALL. EVER.
But sometimes there is a necessary evil. Ignorance is sometimes necessary. Well, allowing someone to stay ignorant about something is sometimes necessary.
I don't care what you say. Not knowing exactly what is going on around you is not a good thing. AT ALL. EVER.
But sometimes there is a necessary evil. Ignorance is sometimes necessary. Well, allowing someone to stay ignorant about something is sometimes necessary.
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