My life is a mess. ....

I'd love to be able to honestly say that life is perfect... but I would be lying. Life is hard, it hurts and it's sad and it's just a fucking mess. But in all the chaos, and all of us have chaos, there needs to be something, or someone, to make everything ok. Even if it is just for a little bit, just take away all the bull shit for a little while.....

If and when you find it, HOLD ON TIGHT! Seriously. Whatever makes you smile, keep it. Love it. Embrace it as much as you can.

There is so much pain and filth among us. So many people throwing their lives away for nothing. So many people that have nothing to even throw if they wanted to.

I look back and reflect on my past often, this keeps me moving forward. I have to remind myself of where I was 10 years ago, hell even 5 years ago. I have to keep that close, so I will know if I'm slipping again. And thankfully I have not. I hear people say "thank your lucky stars" and I do. I surround myself with who and what I feel to be my "lucky stars" and I keep all of that as close as I can. I never want to return to where or who I was all those years ago, I'd like to forget that that place in my life ever was real, but in if I do that, I could fall right back to it, and never see it coming. So I keep all my scars reveled, and I plan to continue on the path that I am on.

What I'm really saying here is this: No matter what you have done, or who you were, even if it was just yesterday, you ALWAYS have a chance to better you. And Only you can do it. Never think anyone can or will change you. You will always be just who you want to be. Don't sit back and think "oh I'll do better tomorrow" MAKE a PLAN, stick to it. Get you taken care of.

I'm not saying we are all bad people and need to change, I'm saying there is ALWAYS room to be a better person. To love more, to laugh more, to be a friend more. And maybe all of this isn't really for us, maybe it is for the other people around us. Smiles, love, laughter, kindness, all of these things spread like wild fire. But we need to remember, so does hate and pain. And any choice we make affects everyone else.

I am now in a situation where someone I care about has made a very stupid thoughtless choice, and I don't know if he even realizes how many people will be affected by his choice. What we all need to understand is that when we make stupid choices, sometimes, and most of the time, we can not fix these choices easily. And the damage is done.

I am not perfect, I'm a mess, my life is a mess. And that is okay. I laugh, I love.... oh do I love. I try to spread my kindness to everyone I encounter, everyday. Yes, I have pain, I hurt more than anyone knows, but that I deal with, sometimes on my own, and sometimes with the help of others who I trust can handle my shit without it affecting them in ways that lead to it affecting anyone else.

This may not make any sense to some people, but it is what it is. And that is exactly what it is.

P.S.
   There is more to come, but I've run out of time for today....