So, my new doctor has me taking hormones. They fucking suck. I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust. I mean it's all part of the process, and get that, so I'm dealing with it. But FUCK! I really can't wait till this part is over. Ugh.
I'm moody, I'm hot, I'm crying, I'm happy, I'm yelling, I'm tired, I am freaking HOT! Wow. Like every hour or so, I feel like I'm on fire. Sounds great huh.
But other than that, life is good. I'm on my journey. I don't know how it's all going to go, but in the end, hopefully, I will be a mother. So it will all be worth it.
Stay tuned, I'm sure there will be more.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
State Aid....
Facebook... Someone posted a picture of a doctor today, with it a long story about him treating a person on medicare, and how he was pissed that she was on aid, while having tattoos, a cell phone, nice shoes and clothes, and smokes a pack a day.... He says if she can afford all of that, why should his taxes be paying for her health care??
While I agree that some people abuse state aid, I also know, from personal experience, that not EVERYONE ON AID IS USES THE SYSTEM!! This angers me. I spent some time on state aid, and while I was on it, I was either a full time college student, trying to get my life right, or I was working and making minimum wage. What pisses me off the most about all of this is, I have tattoos, nice things, good clothes, I smoke....
But here's the thing, and I should never have to explain this, but here and now I will....
Out of all of my tattoos, I paid for two of them myself. Some were gifts, my brother did a few for free, and my boyfriends brother did a few for free. The clothes I have, I've either had for years, or I bought them at a thrift store, or maybe just maybe I found an awesome deal and was able to treat myself with a nice shirt. I take pride in my appearance. I just bought a brand new pair of boots, Jennifer Lopez boots. They are amazing. Priced over $100, but I paid $20. You would not know that unless I told you. With all the ink on me, the piercings, the nice clothes, shoes, etc. a person could say that I "look" like I can afford to buy my own health care, but the truth is, when I go out dressed like that, I most likely only spent a few bucks here and there to get my wardrobe looking good.
I'm not on any kind of aid now, but when I was, I did get funny looks, and it fucking pissed me off. Just recently, I was doing my weekly food shopping at ALDI, I spent somewhere around $60 or so, paid with a hundred dollar bill. The lady behind me in line had some smart ass shit to say about if I have $100 why am I shopping at ALDI?? I work hard for my money, and so does my boyfriend, but we have a family to support, the state WONT help us, because they say we make too much money. But, we still struggle, we still go without.
My point is, although we have nice things, that doesn't mean that we are fucking made of money, or use the system. WE work hard, and sometimes we still need a little help. There should never be any shame in that. If you are looking down on someone for being on aid yet dressing nice and having a cell phone, SHAME ON YOU!
While I agree that some people abuse state aid, I also know, from personal experience, that not EVERYONE ON AID IS USES THE SYSTEM!! This angers me. I spent some time on state aid, and while I was on it, I was either a full time college student, trying to get my life right, or I was working and making minimum wage. What pisses me off the most about all of this is, I have tattoos, nice things, good clothes, I smoke....
But here's the thing, and I should never have to explain this, but here and now I will....
Out of all of my tattoos, I paid for two of them myself. Some were gifts, my brother did a few for free, and my boyfriends brother did a few for free. The clothes I have, I've either had for years, or I bought them at a thrift store, or maybe just maybe I found an awesome deal and was able to treat myself with a nice shirt. I take pride in my appearance. I just bought a brand new pair of boots, Jennifer Lopez boots. They are amazing. Priced over $100, but I paid $20. You would not know that unless I told you. With all the ink on me, the piercings, the nice clothes, shoes, etc. a person could say that I "look" like I can afford to buy my own health care, but the truth is, when I go out dressed like that, I most likely only spent a few bucks here and there to get my wardrobe looking good.
I'm not on any kind of aid now, but when I was, I did get funny looks, and it fucking pissed me off. Just recently, I was doing my weekly food shopping at ALDI, I spent somewhere around $60 or so, paid with a hundred dollar bill. The lady behind me in line had some smart ass shit to say about if I have $100 why am I shopping at ALDI?? I work hard for my money, and so does my boyfriend, but we have a family to support, the state WONT help us, because they say we make too much money. But, we still struggle, we still go without.
My point is, although we have nice things, that doesn't mean that we are fucking made of money, or use the system. WE work hard, and sometimes we still need a little help. There should never be any shame in that. If you are looking down on someone for being on aid yet dressing nice and having a cell phone, SHAME ON YOU!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Ha ha ha, I lied.
But don't worry friends, and stalkers, if you got up to pee, I promise, all this will still be here when you get back.
Ok, sorry, I just had to. Anyways, I'm back on my rage path. I realize that alot of what I have to write about has to do with crazy bitches, or bad parenting, or both...
Well...
I don't understand how a parent can use their child just to get at someone. If you want to be a bitch and hurt someone, why use a child? Did that child do something to deserve being put in the middle? Are you to fucking stupid to understand that you are hurting the child?
Children should never be forced to choose between parents.
If the two of you could at one time be close enough to bump each others uglies, then for fucks sake, grow up an get along. Not only is it only hurting the child, or children involved, but don't you think life would be much less stressful if you two would stop?? I do. I also think that the two parents would communicate better when it comes to the child(ren)
I know it will never happen for some people, and that really makes me sad for the kids, and I kinda wanna bitch smack parents.
Ok, sorry, I just had to. Anyways, I'm back on my rage path. I realize that alot of what I have to write about has to do with crazy bitches, or bad parenting, or both...
Well...
I don't understand how a parent can use their child just to get at someone. If you want to be a bitch and hurt someone, why use a child? Did that child do something to deserve being put in the middle? Are you to fucking stupid to understand that you are hurting the child?
Children should never be forced to choose between parents.
If the two of you could at one time be close enough to bump each others uglies, then for fucks sake, grow up an get along. Not only is it only hurting the child, or children involved, but don't you think life would be much less stressful if you two would stop?? I do. I also think that the two parents would communicate better when it comes to the child(ren)
I know it will never happen for some people, and that really makes me sad for the kids, and I kinda wanna bitch smack parents.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Deep thoughts tonight...
There are many people, women and men that become parents without effort, without thought, without patience or loss. Sometimes I feel angry, and jealous of these people. But, I know I will be a great mother. Not because of genetics or money or that I have read more books, or that I am better than any parent that loves and cares for their baby, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and I prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. And I continue to do so, day after day. And I wont stop.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to get where they want to be.
I will notice everything about my child . I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover, I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life. I will welcome being woke in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him or her and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, or cry any more tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
Honestly, I should count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. I will be a mother, this is what I was born to be. And I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, a better girlfriend, friend and a sister because I have known pain. I know disappointment, setback, frustration, and all this pain, the lack of faith and hope. I know all of this because I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tired by the fire and hell many never face. So now, when others hurt around me I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs,listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can try to make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding mine, of other eyes that cry, as they try to learn to accept the harsh truth, the pain of when life is not fair, when life seems to be hell. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes and, I have learn to appreciate life in ways that I honestly can not explain.
So, if there is ever someone out there that thinks that my choice to become a mother is wrong, no matter who may or may not decide to be there, take a look at your own life, and tell me, have you ever walked in my shoes? Do you know the pain and the emptiness I know? If you did, have, or do, you would know to never tell me I'm wrong for dreaming of having a child to give my love to.
If there is ever a time that you think I can not do this, please remember these words, I will. Even though I've been forced to wait, I will be a better mother for it.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to get where they want to be.
I will notice everything about my child . I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover, I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life. I will welcome being woke in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him or her and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, or cry any more tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
Honestly, I should count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. I will be a mother, this is what I was born to be. And I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, a better girlfriend, friend and a sister because I have known pain. I know disappointment, setback, frustration, and all this pain, the lack of faith and hope. I know all of this because I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tired by the fire and hell many never face. So now, when others hurt around me I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs,listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can try to make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding mine, of other eyes that cry, as they try to learn to accept the harsh truth, the pain of when life is not fair, when life seems to be hell. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes and, I have learn to appreciate life in ways that I honestly can not explain.
So, if there is ever someone out there that thinks that my choice to become a mother is wrong, no matter who may or may not decide to be there, take a look at your own life, and tell me, have you ever walked in my shoes? Do you know the pain and the emptiness I know? If you did, have, or do, you would know to never tell me I'm wrong for dreaming of having a child to give my love to.
If there is ever a time that you think I can not do this, please remember these words, I will. Even though I've been forced to wait, I will be a better mother for it.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Life's not fair
I recently said, in a joking manner, "I always get what I want". And then I thought about it, the truth is, I usually do. Getting what I want has nothing to do with being some spoiled stuck up bitch. I work my ass off, every day, to get the things I want. I do not rely on other people to get me the things I want.
This brought me to thinking about the people who do nothing, and yet they still bitch and cry about not having the things they want.... Oh and of course, the ones who once had the things they wanted, but then pissed them away.
If you don't get off your ass, and do some fucking work, how can you feel accomplished enough to enjoy the things you get?
Someone I know was actually crying to me about shit not being fair. I had to hold back not only my laughter, but also the urge to smack them upside the fucking head.
No, dumb ass, life isn't fair. This person actually said to ME of all people, "your life is easy, you get the things you want"
Are you fucking kidding me? My life is far from easy, it's not the worst life, but it's certainly not fucking easy. I get the things I want in life by working hard, and not giving up. That's how my Mama and Papa raised me. They did not raise me to be a fucking cry baby.
Every time I come across a person who cries and whines about life not being fair, I silently thank my parents. For every time I threw a fucking tantrum because I didn't get what I wanted, and screamed "THAT'S NOT FAIR" an to which they replied to me "Lindsay, life is not fair." They never gave into me when I was being a whiny little bitch.
So, to my Mom and Dad, Thank you, for teaching me to not be a whiny little bitch. And thank you for teaching me the REAL way to get what I want out of life.
And to those who think that if you sit long enough, if you cry hard enough, shit will just appear to you the way you want it to, grow the fuck up. Put you big boy/girl pants on, and do your own fucking work.
Life's not fair.
This brought me to thinking about the people who do nothing, and yet they still bitch and cry about not having the things they want.... Oh and of course, the ones who once had the things they wanted, but then pissed them away.
If you don't get off your ass, and do some fucking work, how can you feel accomplished enough to enjoy the things you get?
Someone I know was actually crying to me about shit not being fair. I had to hold back not only my laughter, but also the urge to smack them upside the fucking head.
No, dumb ass, life isn't fair. This person actually said to ME of all people, "your life is easy, you get the things you want"
Are you fucking kidding me? My life is far from easy, it's not the worst life, but it's certainly not fucking easy. I get the things I want in life by working hard, and not giving up. That's how my Mama and Papa raised me. They did not raise me to be a fucking cry baby.
Every time I come across a person who cries and whines about life not being fair, I silently thank my parents. For every time I threw a fucking tantrum because I didn't get what I wanted, and screamed "THAT'S NOT FAIR" an to which they replied to me "Lindsay, life is not fair." They never gave into me when I was being a whiny little bitch.
So, to my Mom and Dad, Thank you, for teaching me to not be a whiny little bitch. And thank you for teaching me the REAL way to get what I want out of life.
And to those who think that if you sit long enough, if you cry hard enough, shit will just appear to you the way you want it to, grow the fuck up. Put you big boy/girl pants on, and do your own fucking work.
Life's not fair.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
A little bit of everything.
Bitches need to stay the fuck outta my way. Seriously gonna hurt a bitch.
Stupid bitches piss me off. You bitch about wanting to be happy and find someone decent, but then you fuck around and act like a fucking idiot.
Pizza rolls. Ugh. I'm over this shit. Really? Some people don't understand what a fucking pizza roll is.
No, I do not want some dirty scruffy fucking douche bag to buy me a drink. I have a job, I'll buy my own shit, thanks. And, NO, I will not show you my tits... STOP FUCKING ASKING ME! If you wanna see tits and spend money on bitches you don't know, go to the fucking strip club.
Hawiian pizza does not have fucking coconut on it. Dumb ass. Don't argue with me. I make this shit all day.
Oh, I almost forgot.... I am fucking amazing, so fuck you if you don't think so.
And no, I don't fucking care if I mis-spelled anything. If you can't figure it out, fuck you. And if you want to point out my mistake just to be a cuntdrip, fuck you too. And yes I said cuntdrip.Stupid bitches piss me off. You bitch about wanting to be happy and find someone decent, but then you fuck around and act like a fucking idiot.
Pizza rolls. Ugh. I'm over this shit. Really? Some people don't understand what a fucking pizza roll is.
No, I do not want some dirty scruffy fucking douche bag to buy me a drink. I have a job, I'll buy my own shit, thanks. And, NO, I will not show you my tits... STOP FUCKING ASKING ME! If you wanna see tits and spend money on bitches you don't know, go to the fucking strip club.
Hawiian pizza does not have fucking coconut on it. Dumb ass. Don't argue with me. I make this shit all day.
Oh, I almost forgot.... I am fucking amazing, so fuck you if you don't think so.
done.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)